Monday, March 26, 2012
PLKN : The Butterfly
The glare of my watch reflected by the morning sunlight caught my eye. It gave me a grasp on the reality I'm in. I bet sometimes people have nightmares, one thing about nightmares is just that it is a bad dream, and one thing about dreams is that you never know when it started, you just simply get caught in the middle of all the action and the nightmare ends before a happy/sad/violent ending with you waking up(in my case, someone waking me up for Subuh prayers). I always look at National service as a nightmare, but I can't call it a nightmare because I know when it started which was on the 1st of January and I know when will it end which is on the 17th of March, and the fact that it had its up and and downs made it unsuitable to be called a LIVING nightmare either. And I really didn't want it to start and I really didn't want it to end. So yeah, to be honest I never really made my mind if I liked the National Service or not. So if people ask me, I'll just say 'entahlah' or just fake an answer, because If they wanted an honest answer, go and get your lazy ass in National Service yourself. To me, 'best' or 'tak best' is something I'd like to keep to my own self. Hidden and stowed away in the depths of my memories.
Probably it's because of what did you went through in the whole 2 months and 17 days. And I am not copying this post on a relic that I have written during my days in there, NO, this was what I wanted to write today, at this moment as a witness of what I went through and what I became after all of my time in the 'cave'.
Well back to the reality at that time. The 'Last Pose' song started to play, and the National Service flag started to move downwards. And as Ezal said the magic word(UP!), I slow walked, step by step, slowly but surely, It's very uncomfortable when people are watching you, especially when you're all sweaty and your face is holding up the tears. But then the job has to be done. This is the last time I'll be able to hold the company flag with all its splendour. The flag taught me honor, and this is the last deed I get to do to it. Before it is packed up away and locked up somewhere, forgotten. Well I can't stop its fate anyway. This is my last day here, but although the flag is gone. Fragments of it still exist in my camera and in this blog.
I took a deep breath that night, a weight was finally lifted of my shoulder, the rank on my shoulders was taken off on the same spot that my rank was put on to me. No more Second In Charge, no more responsibility to my company. But what are the inputs? Well I already knew what my philosophies are and that I wanted to follow them, added to it my own philosophy, "kita gemilang hingga noktah". But what were the things that I wanted to be when I step out of this place? Am I a somebody yet? Did I learn something here? I think I did, but the tiredness overpowered me, I spent the whole night packing and I performed and cried on stage. Enough is enough, I must rest.
"Gelang Si Paku Gelang", Sipran sang that song as my bus to Putrajaya parked itself in front of the marching field. I cried a little as I watched my friends below.Bye Wan, bye Faiz, bye Alan, bye Ayi, bye Ezal, bye Busy, Bye Ad, Bye Oya,Bye Eddie, Bye Alvin, Bye KSP, it was a helluva ride.
But as the tires rolled out of the compounds of the camp, then a spark hit me, everything felt so clear. Why am I always procrastinating? Why am I so oblivious? Why do I always let people get the worst of me? Did I give my best in everything? Is love important now? Can I make a better future for myself?
I then wiped my tears and looked on the moving horizon, the sun is still rising, just like me, I haven't reached the climax of my game, I'm just getting started. And at that moment, I felt my wings spread wide open, majestic and brilliant, ready to fly. I said to myself, "I am ready".