PLKN : The Butterfly

    The glare of my watch reflected by the morning sunlight caught my eye. It gave me a grasp on the reality I'm in. I bet sometimes people have nightmares, one thing about nightmares is just that it is a bad dream, and one thing about dreams is that you never know when it started, you just simply get caught in the middle of all the action and the nightmare ends before a happy/sad/violent ending with you waking up(in my case, someone waking me up for Subuh prayers). I always look at National service as a nightmare, but I can't call it a nightmare because I know when it started which was on the 1^st of January and I know when will it end which is on the 17^th of March, and the fact that it had its up and and downs made it unsuitable to be called a LIVING nightmare either. And I really didn't want it to start and I really didn't want it to end. So yeah, to be honest I never really made my mind if I liked the National Service or not. So if people ask me, I'll just say 'entahlah' or just fake an answer, because If they wanted an honest answer, go and get your lazy ass in National Service yourself. To me, 'best' or 'tak best' is something I'd like to keep to my own self. Hidden and stowed away in the depths of my memories.
    Probably it's because of what did you went through in the whole 2 months and 17 days. And I am not copying this post on a relic that I have written during my days in there, NO, this was what I wanted to write today, at this moment as a witness of what I went through and what I became after all of my time in the 'cave'.
Well back to the reality at that time. The 'Last Pose' song started to play, and the National Service flag started to move downwards. And as Ezal said the magic word(UP!), I slow walked, step by step, slowly but surely, It's very uncomfortable when people are watching you, especially when you're all sweaty and your face is holding up the tears. But then the job has to be done. This is the last time I'll be able to hold the company flag with all its splendour. The flag taught me honor, and this is the last deed I get to do to it. Before it is packed up away and locked up somewhere, forgotten. Well I can't stop its fate anyway. This is my last day here, but although the flag is gone. Fragments of it still exist in my camera and in this blog.
    I took a deep breath that night, a weight was finally lifted of my shoulder, the rank on my shoulders was taken off on the same spot that my rank was put on to me. No more Second In Charge, no more responsibility to my company. But what are the inputs? Well I already knew what my philosophies are and that I wanted to follow them, added to it my own philosophy, "kita gemilang hingga noktah". But what were the things that I wanted to be when I step out of this place? Am I a somebody yet? Did I learn something here? I think I did, but the tiredness overpowered me, I spent the whole night packing and I performed and cried on stage. Enough is enough, I must rest.
    "Gelang Si Paku Gelang", Sipran sang that song as my bus to Putrajaya parked itself in front of the marching field. I cried a little as I watched my friends below.Bye Wan, bye Faiz, bye Alan, bye Ayi, bye Ezal, bye Busy, Bye Ad, Bye Oya,Bye Eddie, Bye Alvin, Bye KSP, it was a helluva ride.
    But as the tires rolled out of the compounds of the camp, then a spark hit me, everything felt so clear. Why am I always procrastinating? Why am I so oblivious? Why do I always let people get the worst of me? Did I give my best in everything? Is love important now? Can I make a better future for myself?
    I then wiped my tears and looked on the moving horizon, the sun is still rising, just like me, I haven't reached the climax of my game, I'm just getting started. And at that moment, I felt my wings spread wide open, majestic and brilliant, ready to fly. I said to myself, "I am ready".

PLKN : The Cocoon

    The skies are still dark, and only the crickets and cicadas are singing their endless melodies, adding a sense of rhythm to the songs of my Walkman. Once in a while I look hard as I exhale, trying to search for a white huff as the air escapes from my mouth. But then I realized I'm not in Switzerland or the States, I'm just stuck in Negeri Sembilan, in a National Service camp with only myself, clothings and lots of hope and effort.
    My morning jogs usually let m mind wander off to places, to old sweet memories, to my love life, to my family, to the things I did wrong in the past, to the things I'm trying to fix within myself. And when I'm done with all the nostalgia and regrets, I've done 13 rounds, which was satisfying, because 13 is my favorite number.
    But I'm not talking about my rounds, I'm going to dive into the philosophies that I thought about on the days that I did in my jogs. Philosophies that were born from my experiences in there, philosophies that I find interesting but still can't relate to in my life.
    "Love doesn't promise trust, but with trust, the love will exist by itself", which was coined by my experiences in Integration class. When Cikgu Ati heard this, she found it interesting, perhaps the philosophie found its way into her personal life, well her private life is her own right, I have my own, and so far, it has been happy and joyful and I'm thankful for that.
    "If you train hard, you fight easy, you win the war, but if you train easy, you fight hard, you die". Well that came out from the Penghulu's mouth as we were having a meeting amongst the rank holders in the camp. That made it clear that the ideology of RMC(Royal Military College) is still grasping strong in his soul. But I find it quite unique besides the fact that the meaning is clichéd. Well if it is put into BM it sounds like this, "bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian".
    "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller", which was the chorus from Kelly Clarkson's song What Doesn't Kill You. Well if looked at a bigger picture, the significant of this phrase is shown during my hard times in PLKN. The morning drills are a drag, the food is bad, the coaches are a bunch of dumbheads that are always into last minute work and always seem to have conflicts with each other(I know, they told it to us, mengumpat sana mengumpat sini), and with some of them always in a bad mood(or maybe their mouths and attitudes are that bitchy), and not to forget, the routines are tiring and very nerve wrecking because everything is not on schedule, plus, some of the guys there are complete A-holes and the some of the girls are pure B-atches. So yeah, a short "sesi lepas geram" right there. But then, it didn't kill me, it only made me realize of the big cold cruel world I'll be facing as I step into a whole new phase in my life.
    Well maybe I left out a few of my other philosophies(because I forgot). But then the 3 above already got me thinking about myself and the people around me. And since I'm a Martian and this National Service stuff is like being thrown into a cave might as well sit down and reflect on myself. Guess that'll take a lot of time, and the next activity for today is 'kawad kaki' AND I haven't done my prayers yet. Well guess that's it from my pen today.
    

PLKN : The Caterpillar

    Loose weary shuffles echo throughout the atmosphere of the cold damp morning. The footsteps are all headed out from the marching field. Faces of different colors but same hair and scarf are around me, all have their heads down, as if they would kiss the earth any moment, exhaustion was clearly written on their faces, their eyes are still droopy, longing for the softness of the bed and the welcoming warm embrace of their blankets. Yet some of them still have the strength in them to lift their faces up and gaze the horizon, and among the faces was mine. A glimpse of the sun shone on my face, perhaps it meant hope for me? Only the Almighty knows.
    I take a whiff of the morning air and continued to look around me. That morning, the fog was hanging so low on the hills. They looked like a snowy white fluffy blanket enveloping a still sleeping body. It looked so comfy, so warm and so cozy. Such a miraculous view that I get to witness often in this camp.
    Taking off the issued battered up National Service shoes gave me a relief. It was very uncomfortable and the socks were too thin. Some of my friend's shoes already had gaping wide holes, some even had mouths! Sheathing off the light blue PT shirt added to the satisfaction. As I walked towards the toilet, the breeze picked up, and the wind licked my sweaty back, it was pure serenity. Sometimes even the smallest and most ridiculous things that always make you calm and contempt.
    As I brushed my teeth, I looked into the mirror. Hoping for something to suddenly pull me into the mirror, I continued staring. People often say that the eyes are the doors to the heart. At that moment, all I could see was two black empty pools, tired and weary. I tried staring harder, maybe I can catch a glimpse of my worn out soul. "Is this really me?No, this is not me. Is this the price to pay to finally be a someone?a somebody? Why do I habe to be here? I don't belong in this place!" And just like a recording, those questions kept repeating in my head.
    But it wasn't long until a cold splash of water hit my face, and all of the questions were washed away, just like the droplets of water rolling from my sunburned cheek into the sink. I just realized that the class starts at 8.30, I have to get a move on.

The Last Melodies

   As the guitar strums, the memories flash by again like a hyperspeed slideshow. Of all the pains, of all the hard work, the laughs, the joy, the hard backbreaking work. Well they're all memories.
   The gleams in the eyes of the people are beautiful. The colours in peoples eyes always take my attention. Yet I am always embarassed to let them see the colors in mine
  I could see Dafi's eyes water up, I could see Mel trying hard to keep in sync with the rhythm, I could see the guys down there waving their hands, I could see them singing along, I could see Cikgu Jely crying, And I could see the clear fact that it would be the last time to see everything above again.
   And in the end, I could see myself, just another small person in this world, trying to make ends meet, trying to light the path along the road of life.
   And right when everything seems so crystal clear. The note goes into a high pitch. And i just followed it when my eyes start to water up. Goodbye PLKN.

To Cikgu Jely,I'll keep ure words :)

Hearts.Laughters.Sweetness.Alamanda.Airplanes

It was joy from the start. With mum driving me to Putrajaya and us having a light breakfast (Apple bar and Croissants). Actually the bakery was a really small one but damn, the croissants are humongous and crunchy on the outside with a chewy core. Heaven!

And so then we got to KLIA, she had to catch a plane to Terengganu for a conference. Poor Mama, busy je dia.

Anyway then I decided to take a walk around the airport (surprisingly of countless times ive ever been to this airport, tk penah lagi tawaf tmpt ni). Oh and yes, I spent 45 minutes at the observing hall where i watched everything on the runway and gates unfold into a normal hectic day. And all i can say is, AMAZING!

The airplanes (Hayley Williams-Airplanes playing in my head XD)

And theres this one photographer( Japanese I think) who was busy snapping pics oh everything on the runway. His camera had a very LARGE lens (OH ME WANT OONEE!)

     Well then I boarded the next ERL to Salak Tinggi and waited for her and the gang.

     

Her dressup? From my point of view is half 'Datin' with a 'Teenage' twist. But who am i anyway? I'm no fashion police. But yeah, She looked gorgeous to me  ♥

She's the one in the middle. :)

   Speaking about the picture, the girl on the right was kinda late (she took the wrong train and ended up in KLIA instead of Putrajaya). Well Amirah,takpe,no hard feelings, if kau tak lambat, takdenye ktorg sempat main kerusi urut! :)

   And when it comes to Kerusi Urut Ogawa (or any other brand), that is the part where Nrl Hsna (her) goes bonkers =__='

The urut machine is pretty good

>:3

So Amirah finally arrived after another croissant,a hazelnut bar, a Coke Light and jeruk mangga =.='

Thanks to Aainaa, we got a cab to Alamanda! And I got the executive cab!OMG besonye teksi tuuuu!haaha.

Well Alamanda was quite deserted (not sure was it because of we arrived early or the fact that everyone is still in the CNY holidays). Oh yeah, we met Wawa and Azreen there. Well when they met it was like they had never met in a decade cuz they were all hugging and grinning and cheek-kissing and stuff. 

Well back to story, Zariff then arrived! We actually kept the info that Azreen was gonna tag along with us so that it would be a surprise for him (they're scandals,whattaya expect?).Well he was surprised and I was SURPRISED too cuz he had long haiiirrr. Oh me so jealous cuz im alredy botak! >:3

Azreen kind of mengembang throughout the holidays 0.0

We got our movie tickets. 'Keramat' and then went to the square outside to snap some pitchazzzz.

(everyone was hyper)

This is everyone. Although ada yg still tak kenal, but yeah. You guys rocked!
Ezurain, sorry bro, tk nampak sgt kau! hahaha (he's damn sporting!)

She said my t-shirt is cute! :D And as usual, the scandalous Zariff and Azreen snapped a photo together

All the girls

Dikna brought us some of her food! It was pavlova and red velvet cake! Which if anyone wanted to know what it was, check out her blog or Google it.

Well we bought lunch and Dikna and I ran away to get some whipping cream and pavlova (aku yg mengada sgt mintak whipping cream and fruits atas pavlova)

She took a long time getting her Sizzling rice, so i bought her a hazelnut mocha and put whipping cream on it (HAPPY BIRTHDAY! LOL XD). 

The pavlova was REALLY tasty! It was sweet (just nice) and it had a crunchy crust and a foamy inside. Well u gotta make me more of those haha. And the red velvet reminded me of Mum's spongecake and cheesecake. But yeah, it was basically just a red cake with a cream cheese top. But nonetheless, kudos for Nrl Hsna for being such a wonderful cook (bangga suami kau)

And so, we watched the movie Keramat. I gave the idea to Ezurain to wear Aainaa's robe and imitate the character from the movie,Habib. And hilariously, he looked just like Habib! And throughout the movie, All of us were laughing. Ezurain kept spewing out funny puns and jokes but still jumped when the ghost showed itself 

Ezurain = Oit terbang mak kau, mak kau terbang!

That was his rant each time he jumped in surprise

Dikna kept using the Sovereign shawl to close her eyes =.=' Scaredy-cat. Tampaq kang!

Amirah laughed till her tummy hurt

And I laughed till i had cramps in my face and bad side ache T.T

As for the movie, it actually sucked, the story was hazy and the info wasn't enuf. Even the ghost is shit. Long story short, Malaysia horror films really need a total makeover. They suck. But the fact that i got my friends, it wasn't a total bummer. We had a good time :)

After that we did our prayers (alhamdulillah,tak lupa agama)

We then stopped by at Nichii to do some window shopping. Well we ended up at the mirror snapping pictures and stuff :o

And then we went to Baskin Robbins (i promised myself i'll get her some Ice cream)

It was pink day! And my sweater had a pink streak!So we got discount! Dikna picked Pecans and Praline while i chose the Strawberry Cheesecake. We shared the double scoop (she told me tkyah beli 2) ♥

Wawa with the other girls kept trying to get a snap of pic at the 'abang' at the Basking Robbins. They told me he was hot. I was like whateverrr! But yeah, that became the topic for the rest of the day =.=

Wawa and Aainaa especially was like head over heels over him and kept babbling about it.Ezurain and me just watched in utter silence. Again, 

We then ended up at the garden spending our last minutes there. I sat briefly with her on a bench nearby and said my thanks for the hell of a blast of a day :')

The cab ride back to the ERL station was also merry with me being their Dad =__='

(I noticed the pak drebar grinning to our jokes) LOL

So i went with the girls to buy their tickets and waited as one by one, they passed through the gate and only watched as Dikna went out of sight, down the escalator. And that was the end.

I the started reading on my new book and waited for Mum who arrived 20 minutes later. She drove me home and as the car cruised along the highway. I told myself, today is a day that I'll never forget.

It was a helluva day Dikna. Thanks for everything 

Program Latihan Khidmat Negara/Neraka (PLKN)

1 January 2012
Bam,Mum dropped me at Putrajaya
still remember her wave when the bus jettisoned


The days are boring


6.30 - morning roll-call
9.00 - classes(kindergarten-like)
2.30 - physical/multiskill/kawad kaki activity
5.30 - exercise
9.00 - tayangan(optional)
10.30 - roll-call


And there, i got assigned to the Alpha company. And due to bad management. Even appointed as Second In Command.WTH i just wanted to relax there. not bust my ass each there managing delinquents and misfits like myself!

oh yeah.

notice the fakeness?

i was on the way to the camp on my first day

day 5(i think)

i look like a bald prisoner

Alpha company! PEACE Y'ALL(our tag cheer)

From left - Wan(First In Command),Nazmie(da guy from my class)

Our flag(i painted it!!!BANGGA!)Lipan(centipede) is our mascot animal

My rank kt bahu baju..satu calit jee..tklah market sgt.hahaha